Many mistakes can be made easily by not determining what your future vision is as a couple. One may have a vision of the future in their mind, which is completely the opposite of what the other person has in their mind. Young couples don’t really have that much of a picture in their heads as to how they would want to have the future look like.
I had discovered this a bit too late myself, but it is a good lesson if one is serious about bonding and having a great future together. The decision to get married at times is easy to come to. Infatuation at first is the normal way of bonding with your perspective mate. That is all well and good only if the future is seriously taken into consideration. You may love each other very much, but one spouse is looking into the future thinking a house in the country, while the other is thinking a condo in the city. One is thinking a quiet retirement in Florida, while the other is thinking a taking train rides all over the country, visiting Europe and Asia.
What couples really need when they want to start out is to layout on the table what their needs and wants are. This is usually pinned to current events, such as go out every weekend to a nice dinner or what you want in the bedroom. Yet life is more than that. Maybe one spouse is thinking that she wants to stay home and not work. While the other spouse is thinking that she should be working unless they plan to have children. We have so many options right now, where the man can stay with the kids while the woman goes out to make a living.
What about the handling of money! We know that this issue comes up. What couples need to know is your spouse in debt? Does he or she have a history of overspending? Is this important, you bet it is. What if this couple is careless with money? Better yet what if one is tight with money and the other isn’t? This has to be handled way in advance. This would be a disaster in the making if they didn’t know what their behavior towards money was. This issue will obviously need to be discussed before you tie the knot. To have a successful marriage you need to know what is being brought to the table, not just emotionally, but financially and overall lifestyle as well.
You look at even one’s religious or spiritual belief’s, what if one is really a devout religious believer and the other one isn’t. How would they cope with this or even have the marriage survive? It would be a good thing to know before you get very serious about making this bond. These aren’t unusual problems or challenges, they are actually very common. The point is to know before you go.
Financial support is a key but one has to look at the emotional balances; to see the emotional tone the other person is bringing to the table. If one is always a Doubting Thomas and the other is optimistic most of the time, how do you reconcile these two behaviors? There will have to be some middle ground. If one is really sensitive to name calling and the other is not, then you have again a division of reaction and response.
I would not say that you have to be a perfect fit. That doesn’t exist as far as I know. You need to know what the other person is like and how they will react to stresses in life. Also one can change their mind later in life. Take the situation where both are agreed not to have children for the first 5 years of marriage. Then on the second year, one starts to hint that they want kids now. Here we have another point of disagreement and it throws the relationship into a tail spin.
You may say well if they really love each other that wouldn’t make a difference. Sorry it does. It is the same thing about having one support the other while they go to school to get a degree or some specialized training. What happens when one decides their either tired of working and supporting the other, while the other decides on a different major. Look to see what the history is on follow through. That is another one of those things that no one looks at. Does that person coming into this relationship show that they do walk their talk? If they have a history of not completing things, what is the probability of them completing that activity?
Part of bonding a relationship is know, what the other person expects to have happen and their willingness to support the other persons endeavors. We know life isn’t perfect, so we need to have our cards on the table. To bond is simply not just wearing a wedding band; it is having that relationship for life. If you know that your partner is squeamish about illness, what will be the probability of that person sticking with you if you were injured or disabled?
Habits and routines in the relationship are also paramount to know about. If one person is a couch potato and the other is an adrenaline junkie, what are the possibilities of this union to be kept together? In order to have a great relationship you need to know where it is headed or going. There should be a direction that is designated and agreed upon without protest in anyone’s heart.
There are definite ways to reconcile the needs and wants of any relationship. The provision is that it can not be that far apart! It just makes sense that if you pick a person who believes in worshipping the devil and you are a devout Christian that just isn’t going to work.
What the future holds can be examined in your present environment. My test is to always start with the question where do you see yourself 20 years from now? Then one can start breaking it down to all the details that would be inclusive of the overall goals of the couple. That couple needs to define where they are going and how they believe they can get there and are they really together on this journey. It is a starting point to integrate, negotiate and join them together on the journey they are about to partake. Hope that this has been a good overview of what one has to consider to bond in a permanent relationship.